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JACKO'S LIMO OF LOVE!!!: Three of MICHAEL JACKSON'S former bodyguards sat down with Good Morning America yesterday and claimed the King of Pop did in fact enjoy him the ladies from time to time ... In the back of his limo, no less!!!???



LINDSAY LOHAN HILARITY: This is so ridiculous, it sounds made up . . . LINDSAY LOHAN is suing E-Trade over its latest "talking baby" commercial featuring a boyfriend-stealing, MILKAHOLIC baby girl named LINDSAY.



Well, Lindsay Lohan thinks that was meant to be HER. And she wants $100 MILLION for the PAIN AND SUFFERING it has caused her. She also wants the ad taken off the air, and she wants every copy of it . . . presumably so she can destroy them all.

Lindsay's attorney says, quote, "Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit.

They're using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn't they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody's talking about it and saying it's Lindsay Lohan."

Umm, I think her attorney just made E* Trade's case by calling it a parody, because parody is covered under the First Amendment. That's why shows like Saturday Night Live exist.

QUOTE/UNQUOTE: "I'm a bit too old to have kids, but then again I think it would be important to have a lot of me's around in the future." -- SIMON COWELL on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno the other night.
TIGER TALES: I won't believe this until I see photographic or videotaped evidence, but RadarOnline claims that TIGER and ELIN were seen KISSING!!!

A so-called "neighborhood witness" says, quote, "They were hugging and they were kissing right out in the open. People in the neighborhood are getting used to seeing them together again."

Another source adds, quote, "There's no question the divorce has been called off now. He's winning her back. She still is in love with him, after everything he's done."

WHEN BAD PHOTO-SHOPP HAPPENS TO GOOD PEOPLE: This, if you can believe, is TAYLOR SWIFT ... SHEEN-ANIGANS: CHARLIE SHEEN is leaving rehab next week . . . but only part time. Charlie will stay where he is through Monday morning, when he flies to Aspen, Colorado to face charges for allegedly attacking his wife on Christmas Day.

He'll fly back to L.A. on Monday night, and on Tuesday morning, he'll resume filming "Two and a Half Men". After filming each day, he'll go directly back to rehab for the night.

As for Charlie's legal mess, word on the street is the local D.A. will REFUSE to accept any deal that doesn't involve Charlie pleading guilty to a FELONY. The D.A. probably doesn't have as strong a case as it would like, though, because Charlie's wife, BROOKE MUELLER, still doesn't plan on cooperating.

CELEBRITY BABIES: LEVI and his daddy ... COULD BE TRUE COULD BE CRAP: GERARD BUTLER attended MADONNA'S Oscar night party on Sunday . . . and he apparently almost got himself some of dat.

Hollywood Life breathlessly reported a so-called "witness" told them, quote, "She was putting on the full-court press, totally charming him . . . and even challenged him to a dance-off! They were grinding in the middle of the room real close and then Demi [Moore] joined in."

After the dance, Gerard and Madonna, quote, "huddled in a corner" for a while. Madonna eventually left the party ... alone.

SHOW US YOUR TWEETS: LINDSAY LOHAN tweeted this picture of herself in a club ...

"Hmmm?", she wrote, "What kind of face am i making?! i'm confused?"

I'm thinking it's Lindsay's "you owe me $100 million for using my name in a commercial even though it's one of the most common names on the planet" face.

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